Birds in bushes bristle and burrow
But resist dwelling in sorrow
Taking flight into tomorrow
Music is a language from beyond
and if our people are using this
with wise intention
we must heed the call of musing
hold the meaning in the moment
with aligned action we must leave
the bush and fly too
Feel it and know
Be with it and go
I am thinking of you (and Nanie) on your birthday, Grampie. And I think this has meaning beyond the calendar
Yesterday, on the eve of your 101st birthday I took a walk. I was a bit distracted with follow up for work and not really paying attention to my experience or surroundings. I had finally just put my phone away and decided to mindfully enjoy the rest of my rail trail stroll, when a bird came blazing straight toward my face. It was brilliant and red of course when it veered off into the tree next to me, I confirmed it was a Cardinal. And then I thought of you Grampie. When I see Cardinals I always do. Then, I remembered it was the day before your birthday, and smiled until a rustling grabbed my attention, sort of like Nanie might do, "Ummm, hello? I'm over here?" And there, I spotted your female mate perched nearby, slightly above and more settled in a regal sort of way. Of course. Hi guys! I marinated in this moment full of peace and contentment and a feeling of certainty I was with you both.
Today, on your birthday, as I dropped Remy off at my sister's house to do her remote learning, I stepped out of the car while still groggy and a red blur whizzed past, waking me up fast. Yes, it was another male Cardinal, patiently waiting for me to take notice. And so I did. I promptly shared it with Remy, reminding her of his birthday and then Marley and then Meghan too. Once we had all had a glimpse they were off again. Happy Birthday indeed.
Cardinals are not entirely uncommon, I realize this. And yet there is significance here. Nanie loved them. She had pins and mugs and wall hangings and all sorts of other doo-dads. I regret not ever talking to her about where this fondness originated, but after she died it was evident in a more pronounced way and I recall keeping a few things to remember her by with this special symbol. Years later, when it your time to pass Grampie, you were truly so ready. It was hard saying goodbye but also so deeply moving to see a life so complete. You had missed Nanie dearly (I can imagine you saying it just this way) and it was time to move on.
Grampie, you were pragmatic as hell, and I remember accompanying my dad after to collect the attire for the wake, only to learn that YOU HAD SELECTED IT for yourself much prior. You it hanging just so, and it was specified elsewhere that this would be the outfit. When I saw it, I immediately began crying. Grampie you were well known for your penchant for plaid on plaid and bolo ties. I loved these bolo ties and felt proud of your unique style. On this occasion it was the bolo tie that called out to me. It almost flew to my eyes, much like my Cardinal sightings these last few days. It was a cardinal on your bolo tie. I had NEVER seen this one before. I asked my dad about it and he said "Well that makes sense. My mother loved cardinals."
Grampie, you are incredible. You dressed up to meet your mate again, just as I had thought...You wanted to make her happy.
Cardinals are always found in pairs. My grandparents were a pair unbroken through death and I believe to be reunited in peace. I enjoy believing it's them that I spot Cardinals and to be honest, it is always in moments of significance (if I am paying attention and reflective enough to see the connection or the offering of support).
In fact, I will never forget pulling into the parking lot on the day of my interview for the school I currently serve. The position felt truly special for some reason and I was hopeful I would be found as the right fit. As I drove in with nervousness and hope, a beautiful Cardinal swooped right across my windshield and my nerves lifted away with the birds. I said thank you. And I got the job. And I said thank you again.
Yesterday and today's sightings are reminders that there is always more. No feeling is final, and ultimately our lives are not final. We live on in energy and gratitude and hope and truth and in faces and characteristics and big moments and challenge and memories and inspiration and change. We cycle through these things and in one another over and over and over. On this day, I am grateful to have come to truly know that to live on this way is to never truly die. Thank you to the Cardinals for these lessons.
Happy Birthday Grampie. We miss you and Nanie. Thanks for the wisdom.
snow on tree branches calls out
clinging yet without extending effort
bouncing with a weight defying measure
and in this simple act of being
I am seeing my mind
unfettered and free,
aware of the path and my ability
to return each time attachment
and longing pulls me into ego traps-
the paralysis stumps me
the seeing mind trumps me
the being mind waits for me
suddenly the smallest of gusts
arrives and clears several branches
and a silent and serene storm sways
into morning's first light and as these
tiny delights awaken me, I think
"Oh my goodness I get to see this-
Everyone, LOOK!"
and the truth is we all get to see
we can really see it so much that
these moments of insight tuck right
inside of us forever-
dwelling within, helping to soften
all that feels daunting and terrible
into a more balanced world
one that invites us to witness
the wonder and the joy
please sit and look at the branches
and tell me something different
What's the point of a snowstorm
that dumps endlessly if you're not
going to walk in it at night
and marvel at the way it sparkles in the
street lights before wistfully
joining the blanket hugging the ground
which whispers
"we are magnificent"
to absolutely no one
and still, she is
What's the point if you don't
wrestle on layers of snow gear
contorting and shifting and
sweating to prep with proper
measure just in case the
sledding is so thrilling
and consuming you need to
be well equipped to just
Let It Ride
Snow is for playing in, hard
What's the point of having
a life that you work so hard at
buffering out challenge or difficulty
if the real truth is that when
Travesty strikes you actually
finally feel like the truest version
of yourself
Navigating loopholes while
clarifying Values and Vision
What does it feel like to be
without a toothache?
No one fucking knows
What they know is the pain
and they know the reality of
what pain teaches them and
what next best steps it tells
them to walk
And that's the whole goddamned point.
A collective push to "go back" because
Well, "back" is where we belong
Yet it feels like reciting the lyrics
Without the melody inside of the song
And there is resistance, sharp and mighty
In this, some dark underlying hues
Stay open, look and listen closer
I think we can garner some clues
Education as a whole is what?
Is it reading levels, facts and tests?
Is it curriculum over connection?
Is it expecting our personal bests?
What is our end goal for students?
To deposit an arbitrary amount of info?
To create robots who consume and produce?
To imply to know means more than to grow?
This pandemic sure has thrown us-
"Schooling" cracked open and wide
There was so much failure before this too
Can we dare to step inside?
The school to prison pipe line is as real
As the institutional response to query
Get in line, do this, do that as such
Does it surprise us our vision is bleary?
It seems that creating life long learners
Would be one of the essential goals
So we must back up to find this path
Releasing square pegs from round holes
We have all the buzz words and concepts
Yet we neglect to apply it so well
We are missing the forest through the trees
Denying wisdom that our stories can tell
Our system is predicated on production
Creating consumers supports status quo
Are any of us interested in a system
Where to wonder is better than to know?
I ask all these questions today because
If we don't discuss it now, then when?
What didn't work then, won't work next
We have a chance here to begin again
So yes of course, we must all "go back"
But what will this look like to do?
Can we hold the trauma and shades of fear
Are we ready to try something new?
Each class has always deserved two staff
One to inspire, engage and teach lessons
Another to temperature check the room
Supervise and provide small check-ins
Essential is this right here, right now
For teachers both on zoom and in person
Attendance, reading levels and oh ya, feelings
Without this, we'll continue to worsen
Yet with more students and less space I question
Will protocols simply loosen and give way?
Do we try it and then wait to see what happens?
Or perhaps try a therapeutic new way?
Hire more staffing, we need adults who care
And bring in more counselors and people to play
Keep class sizes small, make schedules freer too
Rotate in large spaces and hear what they say!
I believe that logistics can handle what's next
Remember that playfulness heals and repairs
Consider what do YOU hold fondly from school?
Not rules and silence, straight lines on the stairs
You remember the outside the box stuff
The times you truly felt truly seen
You recall when you found a true strength
And with mindful work you did glean
You remember the offhanded personal stories
Your teacher may not even recall they told
You recall how true connection made you feel
You learned authenticity could not be sold
You learned serious hard skills like science,
Math, literature and history as well
Soft skills like perseverance and empathy
Or flexible thinking a much lesser sell
And this unrealized message sticks with us
Please just shut up and listen to me
Your truth and experiences are irrelevant
Get the work done, spare individuality
We cannot keep going on like this
We have a chance before it's too late
We need to inspire our children now
Educators who teach and participate
Let's remind our students how to laugh
Deeper still, because learning is fun
To be truly alive and immersed in a moment
It will be here that the real work is done
We are ALL life long learners you see
I learn this from children each day
If we take a deep breath, put agendas aside
Bravely we'll find a new way
We will follow their lead and listen
We can teach them the sound of their voice
Understanding education can be so much more
Our students deserve to have more of a choice
It is their future they seek to inherit
We wish them to have happiness and smarts
But we need to discuss how to define these
Let us begin to teach to their hearts
I know that this prose is flowery
I realize there is not lots of concrete
I encourage us to walk a different path
I am happy to sit down and meet
If you hear my intention and urging
If you see what I mean and agree
Will you take a chance and will you go there
Will you wander to wonder with me?
There is no "going back", that's all gone now
There is only what lies before us ahead
There is possibility and hope if we see it
There is so much more to be said
Let us be brave and go do it
Let us sit quiet and still 'til we know
Let us share out our new wisdom boldly
Let us be proud when we reap what we sow
I seek to live inside the sun
where mind, body, soul
can undulate as one
I seek to dance upon the moon
hearing the stars as they sprinkle
laughter with tune
I seek to hide inside a wave
to locate my inner current
riding my soul to save
I seek to scream atop the mountain
and take up space wide, like water
moving through a fountain
I seek to sketch myself inside a cloud
making notice of my body
learning how to feel proud
I seek to settle into a stream
notice piercing not as pain
but beauty of a waking dream
I seek to fly inside a wing
align with the hawk's mighty grace
carrying me to what I bring
I seek to collapse into dirt
marinating in the texture of life's cycle
aware of what cannot hurt
I seek to travel by ray of light
walking with eternal faith
my place in time, day or night
I seek this for me
I see this for you
I seek this in the name of all that is true
Tony told me the other day
That often times in art
It makes "the most sense" to focus on
The negative space
In order to bring shape to
what is
And while he admitted this is hard,
he concluded it to be where the
most power lies in creation.
Today, I sit sleepy eyed on my porch,
with a space heater, warming me
while I pandemically work from home,
the day after Trump supporters
stormed the capitol.
This is reality.
It is simply what is.
I cannot control what is happening,
but I can always control my response.
And so I feel the weight of my coffee in a stainless
steel tumbler (so it won't chill quite as fast)
I breathe in, and exhale out with extension
Quiet is the truest companion.
I relish in the buttery softness of my leggings
clinging around my legs.
I hear birds and imagine myself inside their messages.
Without effort, I glance to the right:
Traffic, like shooting stars, comes and goes:
Destinations unknown,
their backdrop a simple canvas of
muted gray, uninspired and plain.
Swiveling to the left I am struck
by that which often goes unnoticed.
Streaming through a sliver of eastern window
Poking out like a surprise past my neighbor's
front porch:
the most breathtaking sunrise becoming born....
A beacon or a baton, it rises up fluidly
Trailing ribbons of pink and blue
Eventually cascading into an orange
that bleeds out without caution or concern
Azure clouds horizontally support the display
I see their measure and I value their purpose,
They highlight simple excellence with dignity
I am sandwiched between plain ignorance
and a brilliant beautiful truth-
A collision of consciousness of the
both/and phenomenon and
I feel grateful for my ability to see
on both sides of me and appreciate.
Simply SEEING what is there and
being with it is an utterly useful way to
initiate a day.
Taking in another sip of coffee,
I look to what lies directly before me,
Outside and straight ahead, additional pause.
This is my inside as well.
Several naked trees posing for no one-
Winterized and whole separate, yet
somehow also joining together in my vision
Strong and dark on top of the white landscape
They are propped and unmoved at their base,
Inviting my eyes to continue to consume upward,
to take them all in, alone and collectively until
I land upon the tippity top the filaments fragile
yet carefully bending and giving way to the elements
that threaten the exterior
Supported from the inside out and underneath,
a foundation that cannot be broken.
I notice that this is where the negative space
Calls out the loudest in a language we can all
understand if we all were to make a choice:
To look, to listen, so that we may step into the world
The one that sits patiently existing
Beyond what we see,
Beyond what we know to be true,
Beyond what is real and unreal.
We have a heart center that lives deeper.
It's here.
And we can not only be reminded of it.
It's here we can see it reflected.
It's here we can be energized anew.
It's here we can meet up with it
and be with it and in doing so
find our way to equanimity and fortitude,
our guides.
Find our oneness.
Find ourselves inside of tiny
triangles dripping off of branches
See the way souls are simply
light that illuminates brightly
off of something else.
All of us. All of us. All of us.
If we want to be okay, really okay,
we must come to recognize this in nature
so that we can return to our own true
nature and be with it.
We can learn to accept what is with
whole hearted awareness and without alteration.
When this wise view is really clear
we are free to cultivate our intentions
and actions and ultimately we can lead
ourselves right on into our own redemption.
There is nothing negative about
negative space, and for right now, it's
the only place I feel free.
Won't you join me?
